“We” is a powerful word. It connotes belonging and relationship. Whether it is something as temporal as being a fan of a sports team or part of a non-profit volunteer organization, “we” means you are accepted. We all want to be part of something bigger. There is something built into our human nature that longs to associate with others. We often find value in connection with groups of people who share a common alignment.
Within an association of others comes an external view, often called an identity. Identity is simply the outward manifestation of the inward alignment with that group. You often see and thus have the ability to identify members of a group by the clothing that they wear. Whether it is a logoed jacket, a specific style of hat, or the same t-shirt, identity is a quick way to connect an individual to a group. When a person chooses to don that hat, shirt, or logo, they are willingly stating their participation in and identification with that group.
Such is the same with Christ and his church. Yeah, we have church merch, and we love wearing it, often to facilitate conversations, but there is more. It is a non-verbal connection with a brother or sister in Christ. Putting on Christ, however, is more than just making sure you proudly display an LFBI or Postscript logo on your clothing. Putting on Christ goes deeper; it is manifest in the sum total of our actions and overall countenance. Paul, in the book of Romans 13, clearly associates putting on Christ with the actions of the flesh. (Rom 13:14 - “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”) In this way, our “identity” in Christ is evidenced through outward manifestations.
Take a moment and complete this sentence three different ways. (Write the answers down if you need to.) “I am a ________________.” Your answers are very telling. Maybe you prioritized your role in a family (e.g. mother, father, wife, husband). Or maybe you answered regarding your profession or career (e.g. a lawyer, a graphic artist, a student). Unfortunately, far too many times, when people complete the “I am a ______________” challenge, they do not include words like “Christian,” “disciple,” or “believer in Jesus.” This echoes to an identity crisis or at very least, an identity misalignment. Too many times people feel the need to associate with that which feels more evident. They want to associate with the tangible.
It is similar when dealing with the question of reckoning your identity in Christ or with family. I think we all can agree that it is most profitable when an identity with Christ and with family are aligned. However, I have been around enough families to know that has a limit. Most of the time, not everyone in an immediate family, let alone an extended family, is sold out for Christ. So how do you manage the balance of identity with family and identity with Christ?
Paul addresses this as well in Galatians 3:28-29. (“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.”) He wades right into the pool of identity crisis and challenges the believer to disassociate his/her identity from things of the flesh. He even goes as far as hitting to the core of gender. He doubles down by communicating that we are somehow now Abraham’s seed.
Don’t be a Pharisee here and ask how we become a child of Abraham’s physical seed. That is clearly not the point. In Christ, those outward/physical identities pale in comparison to the relationship with him…that of believer, follower, child. In Christ, we have a new familial identity, that of those who choose to believe the Lord for his promises and trust his word is truth.
We have to be careful to not swing the pendulum too far in the opposite direction, however. Jesus addresses familial problems in Matthew 10:35-37. (“For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. 37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”)
Care must be exercised here because the paradigm is not one of the believer “picking a fight” with his family. But rather, when a family member brings a problem to you because of your faith, who will you choose? See, Jesus’s presence in someone’s life will create conviction and guilt for those around them who do not follow him. This will create the “variance” that Jesus mentioned in v. 35. As a result, your foes will be those of your own household. It is at that point, as a believer, we have a choice; do we choose to identify with family or identify with Christ?
Choose wisely. Only one will lead to eternal blessings and growth in Christ. Family was the vehicle that the Lord used to bring you into this world, and it should be respected but not prioritized over your identity in Christ.
Mitch Dobson is an associate pastor and fellowship leader at Midtown Baptist Temple in Kansas City, MO.